This month represents a new start, a new beginning. Everyone has a chance to begin again in 2015. This month I plan to be more positive and comfortable in my own skin. Spring semester starts on the 20th, and that in itself is another new beginning. A new chance to make better grades, study more, and focus on things that matter. This month my grades and my own happiness matter. I will not focus on drama or anyone from the past, I will accept the present as is.
It doesn’t matter if you put everything at risk,
Love as much as you can and give your very best.
Make that person be the happiest,
Offer him/her a love that purely selfless.Regardless of how true is thy love,
It never gives someone an assurance.
That the two of you will end up together for life,
Nor if you will never ever gonna break each other’s heart.Loving is one big challenging thing,
That will test you how much you and your heart can bear.
But no matter how fate would ever play your heart,
Loving is one big acheivement you can live bragging all your life
I never knew that anyone could make me feel this way after a few short months. I never knew I could feel this way again.
I love everything about you
I love how your hip bones form perfectly with your body
I love how you hug me in the shower
I love how you can be an asshole but then you apologize a million times to me
I love how we’re friends around other people, but when we’re alone we’re the best of lovers
I love how you pull my hair and kiss my neck
I love how you were my first
I love how I cry whenever I think about us ending
I love how you don’t drink white liquids
I love how whenever you look at the time you always feel like its 9:11 or 9:57
I love how you put emojis of leaves by my name in your phone
I love how you told me you love my driving for a reason you don’t understand
I love how you didn’t get mad at me when you got written up at work for the hickies I gave you the night before
I love your arms and your strong hands
I love how you squeeze my love handles or my shoulders when our friends are with us
I love how when we are sleeping and you wake up you kiss me on the forehead
I love how I want to kiss all of your body, every little part
I love how every single song I hear on the radio reminds me of you for some reason
I love how you try to justify eating after 5pm
I love that I want to do everything and anything for you
I love you, in every single way there is
The boy that I’ve given so many chances to, the boy that I thought I loved for so long, the boy who ended up being called my high school sweetheart, is an ass.
But then he was perfect.
When I didn’t get a chance to answer his texts, he would text me over and over again. And I saved them. But its time to get them off my phone and start anew. That’s why I’m putting them on here.
“Sarah!!!!
JULIET!! Its Romeo at your window
Taylor!!!! its John Mayer..
Hahahahahaha jk about that last one
But foreal… its the kind of love that our parents have. The one that last forever
It’s the kind of one you dream about all your life.. and finally its in reality
It’s the kind of one when you’re old and take care of each other
It’s the kind of love you have for eternity in heaven!!
It’s the kind of love that’s so real she doesn’t even have to read the text messages
It’s the kind of love..
Boy I wish everyone could feel this way”
Halloween 2013 with my girls.
This was the greatest night of my life, we had the best time ever.
We all seemed to be in a state where emotions were okay.
I wish I remembered more than just my best friend throwing up on me, making out with some random guy, or crying because I felt slutty.
But its all okay, because I can go back and look at the pictures of us laughing on the bathroom floor and posing with guys I’ve never seen before.
I will never forget these girls, or that night.
Just read this off tumblr and wanted to share (drewtrinnh.tumblr.com).
I want to sleep with you, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. I don’t know, I guess something about being able to synchronize our breathing to our own heartbeats really attracts me to the idea. I’d love to fall asleep to the sound of your voice and the smell of your hair. If I had my way, we’d cuddle and tell each other childhood stories before finally falling into a silent bliss. I want to sleep with you because I want to see if you snore, and if you do, I’ll tease you about it for the rest of our lives together. I want to be able to wake you up with a dozen kisses, just to stare into your eyes and silently communicate to you just how much I love you, because I just can’t find the words. Look forward to waking up to the smell of pancakes and pure sunshine, but don’t go anywhere. Yes that’s right, I’m cooking you breakfast in bed
I’ve noticed an interesting article floating around the internet. The piece, entitled “Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy” sees rampant narcissism and self-entitlement as the source of young people’s unhappiness. Does it have a case? Let’s take a look.
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I’ve made so many regretful mistakes since I moved to college, so many drunk. regretful. mistakes.
I feel so gross, knowing that I’ve completely changed.
But I don’t think I’m going back any time soon, I don’t know how.
It’s too shameful to go back and admit my mistakes, and my wrongs.
Don’t get me wrong, college is awesome. But I hate it.
All my new friends are awesome, but I hate my new self.
It’s hard to believe everything has even happened, it all feels like a dream to me.
I miss people back home so much, but I don’t want to go back all the time to visit.
I miss my ex, but I don’t want him back in my just now, I know he’d hate the new me.
I love college, I love drinking.
I hate college, I hate drinking.
I love everybody, but I honestly hate everybody as well.
It’s been a tough week. Every week seems tough nowadays. I went to Rise Retreat this past weekend and it was so amazing, it can’t be explained. I finally realized that my past with friends and boyfriends have all gotten to me and have tore me apart from God. I used to be so hurt and I would view myself in complete negative ways. I finally realized God loves me no matter what. Even when I think that no body’s there.
Michael also came back into my life for less then a week. He doesn’t want to have a relationship anytime soon because he’s not ready. That sucks. He hung up on me and told me we don’t have to talk, and I called him twice and got no answer. He called me in the middle of the night and apologized, I don’t really remember the conversation all that well. After countless texts from him saying how much it was my fault as it was his, I told him to stop and to leave me alone. It felt so great to finally end it.
I just have to rely on God to fill the void of my first love.
Reading Behind Happy Faces by Ross Szabo and Melanie Hall has made me think even more then I originally do. It makes me think that maybe the reason I don’t like to share about my thoughts is really a problem. Like a mental problem. I now see it is quite possible for me to have a mental disorder. The book shared some stories from other teens who have been diagnosed with mental health disorders. One really caught my eye. “The things that I used to love, don’t make me happy anymore. In fact, they make me sad.” And that couldn’t be more true. People always seem to ask me what is wrong, and I don’t have the words to really come out and say what is really wrong. I’m afraid that people will judge me, that they won’t understand. That everybody goes through breakups. I just need to find something to help make me happy. I need to learn to forgive and forget the people who hurt me, the people who killed me inside. The activity I find myself in is painting. I just don’t know how to paint my feelings. I don’t know how to paint the hatred I feel for myself. It’s so hard, I hope this is just a temporary madness and sadness I’m feeling. It can’t last long, right?
Sarah's Speculation 